Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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