Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
