At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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