tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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