How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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