If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
