dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
