would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
