last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
