I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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