If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
