Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
