hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
