Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i think i just lost a toe
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
