Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize