just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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