Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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