I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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