I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
