She is in my trunk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize