he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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