I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
