One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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