im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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