Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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