Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
