he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
