don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
