Just fell off a train. Bad.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
