Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
