need another drink. this is the easiest way
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
