bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We left an ass print on the piano.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
