Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize