I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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