Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
