she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Michael Bay diarrhea
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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