Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
