His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
