she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
