so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
