oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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