I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
