His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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