I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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