Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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