just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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