dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
