Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
