so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
