you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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