Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
