SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
