her vagine was all disorganized.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
