I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize