the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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