guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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