i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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