oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
