Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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