Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
