I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
