worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
