Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
