What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
