Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
