My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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