I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
