You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
