We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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