I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I deserve this hangover.
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