I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
