I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
