Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
