I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I see more hoeing in ur future
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