i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
