We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need to calm my uterus...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
