dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
