you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
