I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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