Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
