the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
