I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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