Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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