Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
