You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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