I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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