Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
