is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
