THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
