Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
