is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
