Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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