This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize