Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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