You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
