You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
