Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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