So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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