I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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