Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
