Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
