even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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