I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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