i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
