I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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