How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I supernannyed him into submission
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
